


Spend My Whole Life Trying to Put it Into Words (You are in Love)

by apterousAvian, LiliaFax



Series: All the Words We Don't Know [4]
Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chrobin Week 2018, Graduate School, M/M, Marriage Proposal, PHD shenanigans, This is very niche and i'm only partially sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 03:01:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16359464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apterousAvian/pseuds/apterousAvian, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiliaFax/pseuds/LiliaFax
Summary: As Robin prepares to take his candidacy exam in his political science Ph.D. program, Chrom starts to act a little weird.Not bad weird, just... weird.Robin prepares his intellect while Chrom prepares to take the next step in their future together.Entry for "Books" prompt in Chrobin Week 2018





	Spend My Whole Life Trying to Put it Into Words (You are in Love)

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god I am so sorry for how late this is. In my defense, I am in graduate school and had an exam myself, a whole bunch of grading that i didn't really get finished, and a conference to present at on Friday. 
> 
> i just had to write something fucking niche for myself and sam Indulged me >_>
> 
> i'm only in the first year of my masters program and i'm a STEM person so i don't know everything but i have already seen at least two people get married while in their program and also someone else pass their candidacy exam so i felt... i don't know inspired.
> 
> Also, this is for Chrobin Week 2018. We have another thing to post and something that was planned but may go into this series later. We have a lot to say about this AU and will.
> 
> Also also, title comes from You Are In Love by Taylor Swift which is very much the mood of this fic
> 
> Art for the fic is on tumblr [here](http://kyeart.tumblr.com/post/179266193995/yes-yes-of-course-ill-marry-you-a-mini-comic). If you liked this, please go check out the art and reblog it there!

“So, I think you are more than ready to apply for candidacy, from my perspective,” Dr. Kris said, steepling his fingers. 

Robin couldn’t help but smile. “Thank you,” he agreed. 

“Yes, I do think it would be irresponsible on all of our parts to push it off,” Dr. Kris explained, then rubbed his chin, “as long as you feel ready, Robin. I don’t want to pressure you into it.”

“Well, I’m very flattered you think I’m ready. Can I think about it until our next meeting, then get back to you?” Robin demurred.

Dr. Kris nodded, “Of course. I do however think it would be in your best interests to truly consider it, so you can move on to your dissertation. In any case, get me an answer by next week at the latest but sooner would be better so you can get your paperwork through.”

“I will, believe me,” Robin said and stood up, pulling his messenger bag from the side of the chair where it rested.

“I know you will, Robin, you always do,” Dr. Kris said with short laugh, then briefly tilted his head toward the door to indicate the meeting was over. “Will you be at the trivia night on Thursday?”

“Perhaps. I think Chrom wanted to check out something together, so I will have to check my schedule,” Robin said by the door.

“Ah yes, well if you’re having time with your partner then that’s much more important than wasting away with us academics,” Dr. Kris said with a smile, “go ahead, and I hope to see you around this week?”

Robin laughed and nodded before leaving the office, shutting the door behind him

-

Robin explained all the steps of graduate school and getting through his Ph.D. program with Chrom, but he could tell his boyfriend didn’t always fully understand. What he lacked in understanding he always made up for in enthusiastic support. So when Robin explained that he was thinking of taking the next step in his program and applying for candidacy, Chrom only asked a few questions (“What does that mean?” “It means I’ll be ready to begin full-time work on my dissertation and closer to graduation”) before giving his full support.

As Chrom made dinner that night (“My treat, Robin!”), Robin looked over his notes from his first few semesters of graduate school and thought about what this could mean. He was excited to get to work on an actual dissertation as well as get closer to having the degree. His goal of becoming a professor like Dr. Lyndis was getting closer. Dr. Lyndis had really opened Robin’s eyes to this field of study and he really appreciated all she had done for him as a mentor. And getting through graduate school could only mean good things for him and Chrom’s life going forward. The exam itself would be extremely difficult, but Robin could work through that.

Robin continued to think through the week, weighing the pros and cons. He called Rowen, only for her to light-heartedly mock him for hesitating. 

“Why wouldn’t you just take the exam, you big nerd? Obviously your advisor has faith in you, and I know you’re certainly smart enough. Doesn’t your program allow you to retry once before booting you?” Rowen explained over the phone Wednesday night. Chrom poked his head into the corner of their apartment living room that Robin had set up into a work desk.

“Yes, but that’s still a lot of pressure, Ro,” Robin tried to explain himself but he knew that his arguments were getting weaker. His own con list kept looking lamer the more he worked with it. After all, he couldn’t stay pre-candidacy forever. “If I fail then what exactly are we going to do? I’m sure there’s more I could learn before I go in, more classes I could take. I don’t want to leave any stones unturned during my time here.”

Rowen laughed. 

“Hey, are you laughing at my misery?” Robin lightly chided his sister.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it,” she said, still snorting, “it’s just that’s one of the most you things for you to say.”

Rowen let her giggles die down, before taking a more sober tone. “Look, you could take classes for the rest of your life to prepare and you would probably never truly feel ready. I know you. And Dr. Kris is super well-known in your field, yeah? So if he thinks you are ready to take that exam then that’s gotta mean a lot. And you’ll have time to study for it. And  _ and _ , it’s not like going into candidacy means you’ll stop learning things you absolute dingus. You’ve become a god damn academic, birdy, you’ll be surrounded by this shit all the time. So I say tell Dr. Kris you’re ready to take the plunge. And I’m sure Chrom agrees with me.”

“He says he’ll follow what I want, but you’re probably right,” Robin said, glancing at the man in question who stood leaning against the wall with a soft smile on his face.

“Of course I am,” Rowen said. “Now, have we cleared up our regularly scheduled panic?”

“Yes, Ro.”

“Ok, I’m going to hang up now. Let me know what you decide. Love you, bye,” she said. “Wait, make sure you call Mom about all this.”

“I already mentioned the possibility to her, don’t worry. Love you too, Ro,” Robin said and hung up.

He sighed and placed his phone down while Chrom walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Did talking with Rowen clear everything up?” Chrom asked, rubbing his thumb absently over Robin’s neck.

“I suppose so. She yelled a bit, but you know how she is,” Robin said. Chrom chuckled.

Robin sighed and leaned more into Chrom’s touch.

“I think you should just do it, love,” Chrom said softly, “you’re just going to keep overthinking it so you just need to make a decision.”

“I know,” Robin said, turning in his chair to meet Chrom’s eyes.

“And you know I’ll be there for you every step of the way,” Chrom said. He pressed a kiss to into Robin’s hair. 

“I know,” Robin said and stood up, hugging Chrom close. He tilted his head up and kissed his boyfriend square on the lips. “Oh, do I know it.”

-

Robin sent an email to his advisor the next day letting him know that Robin would be applying to take his candidacy exam. Dr. Kris’ response was quick and excited, letting Robin know that as soon as the paperwork went through, he would send Robin the list he usually sent to his graduate students on books to study and that they would get him information on the written portion of the exam as soon as possible. Robin had to laugh at how fast Dr. Kris was getting this all in place. He knew Dr. Kris was a generally thorough person, but hearing from some other members of his cohort about their own advisors, Robin couldn’t help but feel extremely lucky.

Within the week, Robin had the official department study guide printed out as well as a special list from Dr. Kris of books he should probably read. Robin checked out the ones carried in their library system and requested others through interlibrary loan, then got ready to work on his studying.

As he figured, the studying rapidly took over his life. Free time, as limited as it was before, became an even more distant memory as Robin spent hours meticulously writing out responses and notes, trying to encapsulate all the political theory he knew. His head constantly felt like it was ready to overflow, distantly pounding with a faint headache at all times. And this was just for the written exam.

Hopefully, the extra studying he would need to do for the oral exam wouldn’t be too much. His committee members weren’t known to be exceptionally tough, but you never really knew.

All while the studypocalype had overtaken Robin’s desk, thoughts, and life, he still began to notice some odd things happening around the apartment. Chrom wasn’t distant, per se, but he did seem distracted. This problem only grew as weeks went by. Robin would come home from the library to find Chrom on the phone, pacing somewhat nervously. 

One day in particular, as Robin was hanging up his coat by the door, he overheard Chrom speaking softly in the kitchen.

“... I get it, Emm, I just want it to be perfect. And what if now isn’t the right time? I don’t want to be a distraction and-“ Chrom stopped abruptly upon seeing Robin by the entranceway. “I’ll call you back, Robin is home.”

Chrom hung up and went over to wrap Robin up in a warm hug. 

“What were you talking to Emmeryn about?” Robin asked, his voice slightly muffled in Chrom’s sweater.

“Nothing you need to worry about, it’s not a big deal,” Chrom said. Robin didn’t really believe that as Chrom’s entire body signaled that no, there was a big deal going on. Robin leaned back and quirked an eyebrow.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Chrom said, “I swear there’s nothing wrong. Do you want to watch a movie tonight or are you going to be working?”

Robin could recognize a poorly designed distraction when he saw it, but the idea of cuddling with his boyfriend for the evening was far too appealing to ignore. 

“Hmm, well I do have a lot of work to do…” Robin trailed off.

“It’s also time for a break evening on that schedule we came up with, right?” Chrom retorted.

It was most definitely not time for a break evening. But with Chrom looking at him so hopefully with those big, blue eyes, Robin found it impossible to say no. He sighed and kissed Chrom deeply.

“Why don’t you go pick out something to watch while I go put my things away. I’ll also get the popcorn ready. We still have some of the stuff Stahl sent?” Robin said after he pulled away.

Chrom nodded and gave Robin a small peck on the crown of his head, before heading off to the living room. 

Robin shook his head softly. No matter how squirrely Chrom was acting nowadays, there was no reason to think something bad was happening. 

-

One unseasonably warm evening, nearing the date of the actual exam, Robin decided to spend the entire evening studying at home rather than staying late in the office. Chrom had offered to make a large dinner that night and rather fervently suggested that Robin try and make it home. Robin didn’t really know what the occasion was, but he would take any opportunity to spend time at their apartment.

Robin arrived home after spending the day working in the office, although he honestly didn’t get that much work done with his sister, Gaius, and Chrom blowing up his phone. 

“Hello?” Robin called out, taking a moment to enjoy the smell of cooking food that was drifting through the house. The scent was strangely familiar, Robin thought as he walked to the kitchen.

“You’re home! Awesome, I’m just working of getting everything ready to go so it just needs to simmer and all that. Your mom said that this dish takes a while to finish so I think this should be fine,” Chrom said as he bustled around the appliances. 

Chrom has recently taken to video-chatting with Robin’s mother in an attempt to learn some of the recipe’s she had brought with her from Plegia. Chrom has always loved Robin’s mother’s cooking and she was always excited to share from her homeland. Although Chrom wasn’t always the best cook, like everything he made up for it with enthusiasm. To be completely honest, he  _ was _ getting better at recreating the dishes from Robin’s childhood in a way that filled Robin with a deep sense of home.

“Mmm, it already smells amazing, love,” Robin said. Chrom beamed with pride, even though they’d had this exact conversation so many times before. That was one of the things Robin loved about Chrom.

“Thank you. Now, why don’t you go put your stuff away and everything and I’ll finish up here and get everything simmering,” Chrom said.

Robin smiled and gave Chrom a peck on the cheek before heading off to the study. His desk was already covered in study materials, marking where Robin had last left off in his work. A specific anthology of influential Feroxian political thinkers lay on the table, right next to Robin’s open notebook indicating the spot Robin needed to return to. He set down his bag by the desk and sat down in the chair. Was tonight going to be too difficult to study, considering how much he wanted to be in the kitchen with Chrom rather than tied to his desk?

Robin loved his field of study. He found political theory infinitely fascinating especially in how different schools of thought paralleled and tied to each other. However, he had been spending so much time chest-deep in the literature at this point that sometimes Robin just wanted to run away from the work sitting right in front of him.

Well, the exam would be done soon and then this intense period would be over, at least this era specifically. Given his chosen pursuance of academia, Robin knew he would always have some level of these intense reading shenanigans to deal with but honestly he loved that as well. Sometimes, he just wanted a bit of his life back to deal with more… personal matters.

Robin stretched out his back before pulling out a pen and flipping open the book still on his desk to where he had marked yesterday. He wanted to work on comparisons between prominent theories today, as Robin was pretty damn certain there would be some kind of question to that effect on the written exam (and honestly, the oral exam as well). Specifically, Robin was thinking it would be good to compare between different countries of origin to make some connections with what political ideas were able to take root and spread.

He didn’t know exactly how long it had been before Chrom came and joined him in the modified study area, pulling up his own chair and resting his arm on the desk while looking at Robin fondly. Robin flickered up his eyes to meet Chrom’s, as the latter stared at him with an almost blissful expression on his face.

“What, is there something on my face?” Robin asked.

“No, I just… I just wanted to look at you,” Chrom said softly.

“Ok, but you can look at me any time,” Robin said. Chrom laughed quietly.

Well, that was a bit weird, Robin thought and turned to his work. 

“Let me know if you need me to get you anything,” Chrom said.

“Of course, but I don’t think that will be an issue,” Robin replied to which Chrom just shrugged. 

“I’m here though, if you need it,” he said in response. “I’m here to be helpful.”  Was Chrom angling at something here? Robin didn’t really know what it could be but if Chrom wanted to be helpful in some way, Robin would make sure to keep that in mind.

Robin didn’t really keep track of the time he spent outlining some of the key points from the essay he was currently analyzing. As he worked, he remembered a book of Plegian philosophy his mother had given him when he entered this program. She had been excited to share some of the work she had done when she was young, and had given Robin one of her own personal collection. The book had little annotations written in his mother’s deft hand all along the margins, which was not only adorable but incredibly interesting and helpful when Robin drew parallels between different political philosophies. After all, having some insight on Plegian thought from even 25-ish years ago was incredibly valuable given the way the country now operated. Perhaps he could use some of those annotations in drafting this response.

“Chrom?” Robin asked absently. 

Chrom made an affirming noise from where he was sitting.

“I’m going to take you up on your offer. Would you be willing to go get the Mustafa book for me? It should be on the big bookcase,” Robin said, turning to speak. Chrom nodded and left the area for the living room where their large bookcase stood. 

Robin went back to his notebook, clicking his pen absently on the table. He knew there were some interesting things written in the margins of that book, he just got the life of him couldn’t remember what they were.

Chrom came back in the room after what seemed a bit longer than it should have been to just get a book from the shelf.  _ Oh well, he probably forgot which one it was _ . Chrom handed the book over.

“Thank you,” Robin said to which Chrom just smiled with some kind of unreadable expression. Robin raised his eyebrows as if to ask ‘are you ok?’, to which Chrom just nodded and waved his hand toward the book. Whatever was up with Chrom, he still seemed in a good mood, so Robin resolved to ask more later.

As he took the book and got ready to flip through to find the annotations of interest, Robin noted what seemed to be a small piece of paper sticking out from a spot toward the middle of the book. The pages split a bit at that spot as well… maybe Robin already left some papers in there to mark interesting info. It wasn’t too thick so that the book didn’t close, just slight enough to be noticeable.

Robin opened the book at that point. A cream colored envelope lay between the pages with Robin’s name painstakingly written in what Robin recognized as Lissa’s fanciest handwriting. Robin chuckled, wondering what Lissa could possibly have given to him recently that he would have just stuck in the book instead of dealing with it.

Robin felt Chrom’s gaze grow stronger as he held onto the envelope. 

“What? You keep staring,” Robin asked.

Chrom didn’t say anything, just kept smiling. Robin shook his head briefly and turned back to the envelope, sliding his finger under the flap to release the adhesive.

The envelope was full of polaroids and a folded piece of paper. Robin tentatively took out all the pictures and began flipping through them. All the photos showed different moments in Chrom and his relationship, from their not-quite-a-date prom experience (with Robin looking something like he was dying in the photo next to an ever-oblivious Chrom), to the winter musical that Chrom decided to audition for while Robin still stage-managed in high school (with Chrom somehow managing to land a pretty big part despite never acting before), to Robin’s college graduation (a miserably hot day where the students were all warned about passing out, but Chrom was so excited to see Robin walk across the stage), to them moving into the very apartment Robin was sitting in at the moment (not precisely their first apartment, as Chrom had moved in with Robin during his last year of undergrad, but still the first one that felt official).

Robin set aside the photos gently, feeling some thick emotion building up in his chest, then opened the paper to reveal a handwritten note. Unlike the outside of the envelope, this one was most definitely Chrom’s handwriting.

_ Dear Robin, _

_ I know this is going to come of incredibly sentimental, but when I was thinking of the best way to ask you this question this was the only thing I could come up with. Rowen helped write some of this letter, and Emmeryn is really good at sappy stuff like this too. I couldn’t have done anything without our family. _

_ We’ve been through a lot by now. Can you believe now that we had such a big fight when we first met? If someone had told me back in sophomore year of high school that I was going to fall so completely and wholly in love with the kid from debate club, I’m not sure I would have believed them. Not that I wasn’t always fascinated with you, even then, it just seemed out of the realm of possibilities. (You know some of why that was, and I’m way too embarrassed now how long it took be to realize how I really felt about you). _

_ It’s been an amazing ride ever since. I probably should have just asked you to prom as an actual date, huh? Lissa will not let it go, keeps telling me I’m an idiot about how long it took. Admittedly, not realizing until right after you left for college was a really dumb move. I can’t say I’ll get any better at realizing my own feelings, but you know we’ve been working on being honest with each other. _

_ That’s one of the things I love about you. You accept me for all my flaws but you don’t make excuses for me either. You push me to be the best version of myself I can be and I only hope I can do the same for you. I feel as though you are always with me, supporting me. It’s like you are the wind at my back, holding me up against the world. I want and hope so desperately that you feel I am doing the same for you. I love you so much, it hurts to think about sometimes. _

_ I hope you like all these pictures I got of us. I hope the memories they spark are only good. Thank god for your mom and her polaroid camera, am I right? She does love recording everything that happens to you and Rowen. _

_ Just looking at all of these, I can see how much we’ve done together so far, and I am so excited for what is going to come in the future. The future is just one big adventure that I’m ready to take on with you. I mean, you’re going to be a professor! That’s so awesome! Who knows where that will take us. _

_ I love you forever and always. Those words barely encompass all I’m trying to tell you, but it’s what I have. I love you with every fiber of my being. Every part of me feels like it was made to love you. I’m ready for where our lives will take us, as long as we are together. _

_ All my love, _

_ Chrom Ylisstol _

By this point, Robin felt he knew what was going on, what he was going to find when he set the letter down and met Chrom’s eyes. The thick emotion in his chest was completely palpable now and Robin tried desperately to take a deep breath. He released the breath almost in a shudder and twisted his body in the chair over to where Chrom was sitting. 

As Robin suspected, Chrom knelt right next to him, on one knee and holding open a case with a delicate ring inside.

“Robin Grimleal, I feel like I’ve known you forever. I know this is corny, but it’s almost like we are two parts of the same whole. I can’t imagine my life without you and would be the happiest man alive if you would be willing to spend the rest of our days together. Robin, will you marry me?”

Robin brought his hand to his mouth, not trusting his voice to not fail him in the moment. The thick emotion from before seemed to completely well up and spill as tears filled his eyes. Robin took a few breaths to steady himself before nodding enthusiastically.

“Yes, yes, of course I’ll marry you,” Robin said once he regained control of his voice. Chrom smiled so wide his entire face seemed to light up.

Chrom carefully took the ring out of the box and slit it deftly onto Robin’s finger. Robin took a moment to just look at it where it rested while Chrom put the box on the desk itself, before taking Chrom’s face into his hands and kissing him deeply and passionately.

The rest of the night passed almost in a blur, as the two of them called family members to let them know the news (Rowen, Robin’s mother, Lissa which by extension meant Gaius and Maribelle, and Emmeryn) before eating the dinner Chrom had prepared, and tucking in for the night. Robin’s studying for that evening lay forgotten on the desk, but that was fine. Robin felt full of light and couldn’t possibly think of studying more. After all, he was just engaged! What could possibly be more important than that.

As he and Chrom laid in their bed that night, their legs tangled up and Chrom pulling Robin tight against his chest, Robin kept staring at the ring sitting on his finger. His mother had cried when they told her, before mentioning that she had a ring of Robin’s grandfather that she would like to send for Chrom to wear (if they were ok with that). Robin agreed, his heart already full at the idea of Chrom wearing something that so obviously marked him as being part of Robin’s life, of his culture and heritage. Something that was so clearly linked to Robin, that made it indisputable how intertwined the two of them were. Robin felt so incredibly lucky and loved as he turned to snuggle closer to Chrom, feeling his body heat burrow directly into his bones.

They would deal with returning to the real world tomorrow. Robin needed to make sure he passed his exams and the rest of their friends needed to be told about the engagement. But for now, just laying with each other as the night drifted ever closer to morning was enough.

-

Weeks later, after an arduous written exam and an even more stress-inducing oral exam, Robin got word that he had passed and was now officially a Ph.D. candidate. Chrom and Robin went out to celebrate with some friends that were in the area, including Gaius and his entourage, and Libra, who was visiting from where he had gotten work in a children’s advocacy non-profit. 

The next day, Robin visited Dr. Kris’s office to thank him for his support and guidance.

“What are you thanking me for? This was all your hard work, Robin. Besides, I never doubted you, you’ve been an excellent mentee since you arrived here,” Dr. Kris said with a smile.

“Thank you so much, but I really do appreciate all you’ve done for me,” Robin said.

“Well, it’s been no problem. I’m happy to help all my students,” Dr. Kris waved his hand as he spoke, “besides, now is when the fun part begins. Time to begin the actual, full-time work on your dissertation. Are you ready?”

Robin laughed. “Yes, I think I am. Besides, considering I’ve got to plan a wedding now at some point during that, I think I’m in for an interesting couple of years.”

“Oh, yes, that’s sure to be an adventure as well. Well, people have gotten married while in graduate school before and will keep doing it probably until the end of time, so I wouldn’t worry,” Dr. Kris said. “I got married in graduate school, but it was before my candidacy which had its own realm of issues.”

“I can imagine,” Robin replied.

“Well, there’s no reason really for me to keep you here. Congratulations on everything, Robin. Tell your fiancee congratulations from me as well,” Dr. Kris said, dismissing him from the office.

“I will!” Robin said and gathered his things to leave, waving happily as he did.

As he left Archaea Hall, Robin stepped into the sun and took a deep breath of the afternoon air. His future laid before him glittering and full, and Robin just needed to reach out and take it. With Chrom at his side, Robin felt he could do anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Please check out the other works in this series!


End file.
